System Administrators: READ THIS! While we run FreeBSD, and the advisory is for FreeBSD, this problem also exists in BSDI, IRIX, Linux, NetBSD, OpenBSD, Solaris and more. Check with your vendor for a telnetd fix as soon as possible!

Answer: NOWHERE.

The site was hacked around 11:00AM this morning. You can see a saved copy here that someone e-mailed me. I woke up at 6:00PM tonight thinking to myself what a great day it was going to be. I spent five hours working on a kick ass update posted earlier this morning, and figured that I'd break all records for hits tonight.

I went to go check my e-mail and there was a letter from a reporter from the Washington Posts Newsbytes section asking me if I had any comments on the hack. HACK? What motherfucking HACK? What the fuck are you talking about you cocksucking bureaucratic paper pushing double-latte drinking yes-man? Why the hell is a suit like that e-mailing a smut peddler like me?

I quickly proceeded to load up my browser and check out my site. What's all this then? My site was pointed at the backup servers page, basically a page that says the site is down due to technical difficulties. Turns out the reporter was right, and he's been tracking this hacker for a while now.

My head sunk into my stomach as I knew that something really, really bad had happened. The other day someone was telling me about this new FreeBSD exploit that lets people get root access on the server and do whatever they want with it. Looks like I was a victim of that exploit, even though we thought we had it patched.

It's taken us eight hours straight to get an old backup running on the site again, and I have gone through 1500 HTML pages fixing stuff, but I'm sure there is stuff I've missed. If you see errors anywhere, please let me know! Lots of stuff isn't working right now, but we're working on it.

To the five of you that e-mailed me with support, thanks. I am really, really sick right now. I'm stoned on cough syrup, and every time I open my mouth mucous flies out. I'm going back to bed. Hopefully this page will still be here when I return.

[Update 9:00AM: Washington Post's Newsbytes did a brief article on it. No shit! They didn't get the story quite right though. I've been up all night and am now sicker than ever. Thanks to those of you that wrote in with support. No, this wasn't a hoax -- Many sites have been hit with the same thing. I just consider myself lucky that I was able to get the site back up. And to clarify things, my real name is Gaylord... Gaylord Focker]

The following images illustrate what I would like to do to the people responsible for this stupidity:

Brazil #1 - Brazil #2 - Brazil #3 - Brazil #4

These images illustrate a rebellion at a Brazilian prison eight years ago. The police sealed the prison from everyone's eyes and proceeded to gang rape the inmates. They then sodomized the prisoners with broken broomsticks, eventually shooting them in the head then dismembering the corpses while burning them. The commander of this mission was convicted to 600 years in prison as there are no life sentences in Brazil. Thanks to the anonymous Brazilian government worker that sent these in.

Please notice the Mickey Mouse balloons, cigarette in the decapitated heads nostril, used condoms and wine glasses. These motherfuckers were partying like it was going out of style!

Okay guys, here's my updated list of people that I'd like to kill. Slowly.

This guy. I dunno, he just strikes me as someone who would enjoy being slowly flambéd in a light wine sauce. After being fucked in the ass with a rake.

Do I even have to comment about this one? Even I wouldn't fuck her (and believe me, that's an insult since the last vagina I was in was my moms). Nice outfit, you mutant.

Hey baby! The Guns 'n Roses tour bus already left! TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO.

Yo', wassup?! Help me spike my hair and me love you loooong time!

My heart is the colour of my blackened soul. Nothing matters anymore. We are all already dead. Oh my sweet Lucifer, please give me a double bacon cheeseburger right now, I'm fucking starving!

You're all fucking pigs. The whole lot of you!

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