It's not that easy to get laid anymore. Well, it still is for certain people who lucked out by being attractive, charming (manipulative) and who know the right way to target their interest's insecurities in such a way that they'll feel that that person "understands them" or "accepts them for who they are, not what they look like," therefore, they're worthy of getting to fuck them.

Harsh as that may sound, that's usually the way it goes.

Thanks to the internet finding that "special someone" is a lot easier. You can browse through millions of profiles through social networking sites and preview all the potential cooze with just a few clicks.

I'm going to use Myspace as an example since according to the ratings it's currently the most popular site for "meeting new friends." No, not about networking, not about love or sex, it's all about friendship. Bullshit.

I'm going to break down my How To into two parts.

If you want credentials or references so that you know the person who's telling you this is legit, I won't give you them. Everything I'm about to tell you could be totally useless garbage and not really work, but if you're not getting responses to your messages and the girls aren't giving enough respect to meet you IRL!!! then your best bet is start over and listen to what I'm going to tell you.

If you're not getting laid already what have you got to lose?

Alright. Part 1.

The Profile.

You're probably sick of reading by now so let me give you visual examples of the type of profile that will NOT get you laid. This is "sthrncharm2006."

http://www.myspace.com/sthrncharm2006

"i would appreciate it if you would not write me wanting sex or even anything remotely close because i'm not here for that and wont reply back." (stile's note: looks like this potato has set her profile to private because of all you fans out there!)

She's playing some reverse psychology shit and it's not going to work. As pretty as her glamour/boa shot maybe, the only dude who's coming somewhere close to flirtation with her is a guy in a wheelchair.

http://www.myspace.com/allen_243

...and he's barely even complimenting her...

20 Sep 2006 13:48
thats because i wouldn't give her any she was pouting...lol

Ok. Enough. Here's an example of a Myspace success. Someone who has, will, and continue to get laid from exposing himself through your computer screen because he is the one and only "JONAH - Real Life Warrior, Adventurer, Musician," oh, and, on the edge of time.

nice shoes.

prepare 2 b punished lol!!

http://www.myspace.com/warriorontheedgeoftime

Look at all the hot bitches in his top however-many who have their profile private cause they're too good for just ANYONE to look at them. They're Jonah's girls.

So there you have it. Two examples of what does and doesn't work with getting laid on Myspace. But what does this do for you? You can't be Jonah.

You've got to make a persona for yourself, turn yourself into something bigger than what you really are. Myspace fame doesn't amount to jack shit, but it can give you groupies.

Creating a persona that will give people the illusion that you are more important than you really are isn't easy. It'll take time, effort, and dedication. First off, you've got to pick your trade. Since Myspace is mostly about vanity and narcissism, "photographer" works really well and takes less effort than "band." Anyone can call themselves a photographer and you can even steal other people's photos and say that you took them. Artists get laid the most, period. Having a shitty band won't get you groupies. Even if you're a decent musician, people don't take "band" friend requests seriously because the site is flooded with too much crap for people to care anymore.

Be a photographer. In your about me write about your fake career in the third person. Saying "I" when you talk about yourself will make you seem unimportant. What sounds better? "Paul Anthony has been taking photos internationally for 10 years" or "I have been taking photos internationally for 10 years." Exactly. Including quotes around statements you make about how skillful you are also works, as if other people are writing about you. "Paul Anthony is like Andy Warhol meets David Lynch. He takes the obscure and turns them into superstars."

Then make up a publication and fake quotes from them talking about how amazing and super you are. Maybe pick one that actually exists yet doesn't doesn't archive their issues online.

Alright. So once you've constructed a decent profile, add as many attractive people as possible. This takes time but the more friends you have the more special they'll feel when you message them "about a photo shoot." Also, comments are important. Interact with your fake friends, flattery wins flattery.

The final step is easy. It's like Mouse Trap.

The Meeting

If you've got all the pieces and you set up your game right, once the ball starts rolling everything will fall into place.

Message the girls you want to fuck, preferably ones who have shitty digital camera photos of themselves standing in front of a mirror, and tell them that they're "very photogenic" and you're wondering if they'd be interested in "doing a urban shoot with you."

It's that easy. Okay, it's not. You're going to have to probably rent a professional camera / pretend you know what you're doing / dress well / act like a pretentious asshole (girls love that, they will never admit it) and make the right moves to get her in bed.

My final piece of advice is, regardless of how great your profile looks, always stay within your league. If you're fat, ugly and stupid, chances are that you're stuck with the fat, ugly and stupid. Unless you're paying them. If you're willing to invest money into getting laid, you don't need this article, or the internet for that matter. You're all good. To the rest of you up and coming photographers, I wish you the best of luck with your fraudulent careers.

-ghostwriter

Click here for my last article on the decline of celebrities.