Whether you want to be paying attention to the bald cracked out catastrophe that has become of Britney Spears or not, you have to. I don't leave my house that often, or even talk to that many people for that matter, but I can't go anywhere without seeing this staring back at me:

I can't tell if this is her legitimately losing her mind and not giving a shit about having the entire world lose alll respect for her OR her agent is a god damn genius for pulling off the most entertaining watch-this-celebrity-crash-and-burn publicity stunts EVER.

This whole fiasco just goes to show that Britney is not capable of doing ANYTHING. We knew from the start she was incapable of writing her own songs, not even her own lyrics, she probably has trouble finding the bathroom every time she needs to go do another bump of cocaine, but she's also incapable of overdosing, staying in rehab, maintaining a relationship, even if it's with a nobody back up dancer who says shit like "You know.. I'm not that worried too much about credibility."

If you watched that clip K-freeloader talks about getting his wife a go-kart, she's been asking him for a few years now apparently.

SHE IS FUCKING INSANE! IT IS AMAZING. Could she possibly be a genius? Really, where else did Britney have to go except down. She used to be America's perfect little princess turned slut. Turned into a demented drug addict attention whore who has no fucking clue what she is doing anymore. She doesn't know how to live with millions of dollars and fame, appparantly. We were made aware of this years ago in her video for "Everytime."

Pay careful attention to the words, even if she didn't write them herself, I'm sure she was made to believe they were true.

Yeah, we get it. It's really hard being a multi-millionaire pop icon, you get no privacy and the whole world has you under a microscope and then broadcasts it into a projector screen blah blah blah it's so hard being Britney... but WHAT is she trying to do here?

She doesn't even figure how to fucking kill herself or overdose. Really. Dear Britney, I'm sure you can't even read anymore but here is my letter to you. These are the formulas you were missing...

put this:

here

No? Can't figure out how to get a gun or pull a trigger. Fine. You want to overdose? Easy. The cocaine/xanax trick doesn't work like it used to anymore.

"We used ecstasy at night to party and cocaine during the day to stay awake. Then we would take downers like Valium or Vicodin to come down and rest. Britney stayed up three days straight over New Years. I couldn't keep up. She definitely had a problem with drugs when we were together - and that was three years ago. She has got herself in a cycle which is hard to break." says Britney Spears' first husband, Jason Alexander.

Okay, back to business. Britney, if you really want to OD get yourself a bottle of this:

Drink it all and there you go. Done.

Ask your assistant to pick some up for you at the pharmacy. If she's having a hard time getting them to hand it over tell her to watch Drugstore Cowboy for tips and maybe you guys can make a little adventure out of it.

But maybe, just maybe, there's hope yet. Maybe this is just a 'cry for help' that's gone way way way way WAY too far (well, it could go a little bit further, she could do something like chop off a finger or something) and she just wants someone to save her from herself... whoever that is.

K-fed is just as incompetent as she is, so he's not going to work. I WONDER WHO CAN HELP HER? HMMMMMM.....

"I feel her pain, it really bothers me," the 34-year-old rapper-producer says in an interview in Entertainment Weekly magazine's March 16 issue. "I'm the type of person who tries to save the world. I just want to take her away, go overseas, and work (it) out." Timbaland says he invited Timberlake, his "best friend" and Spears' ex-boyfriend, to be part of that plan.

Yep. Justin, you're fucked. Timbaland thinks he's Batman and you're his Robin. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, his days of Diaz and Scarlett are over. Everyone's looking at him now. I'm sure he's hearing it all the time. "Justin, come on get back with Britney. She listens to you, you're the only one who might be able to get through with her. You're her last hope."

Shitty. If there's anyone to feel sorry for it's Justin. Sorry dude, but you're going to be stuck with this...

...for the next few months.

Kids, this is what could happen when you join the fucking mouse club. Stick to the girl guides and boy scouts. It's free cookies or free cocaine. The choice is yours.

-ghostwriter