You know you're mentally ill when the most important thing in your life is waiting for Sanjaya to be voted off Idol. If Sanjaya isn't voted off soon I'm seriously going to commit fucking suicide. I get three TV channels here, and Idol is one of the only shows I watch. I started watching it to make myself throw up after I attempted suicide by eating bottle of sleeping pills.

Once the pills started to kick in I decided that I wanted to LIVE LIFE after watching a video of a monkey drink its own pee on PooTube, so I thought a huge dose of the worst of commercial pop-culture would help me purge my stomach. Just like the AIDS virus I got infected and I couldn't stop it from spreading. It really gets lonely here in my cabin in the Nunavut tundra, and I just can't fucking stop watching this piece of shit. The sickness that it makes me feel keeps me warm. I even have dreams about bending Paula over and spreading open her Abdul.

Don't even get me started on Randy. He looks like a brown Mr. Potato Head, and watching him try to talk "black" just fucking kills me. Dude, I'm blacker than him and my skin is the color of rotten mayo, DOG. Seriously, the way he tries to talk like he's hip is just so fucking pathetic and forced it drives me crazy... Though it is fun watching him get fat and skinny, fat and skinny, over and over again.

...And that wacky Simon! Who the hell cuts his hair? You'd think for a guy that makes a quarter BILLION dollars a year could afford to go to a better place than SuperKutzzz or My-T-Sharp. I had that fucking haircut in grade fucking five. His fucking head looks like they put a square box on it and cut around it. I just want to slap him so hard his teeth fly out.

Also, is it just me, or is Ryan Seacrest one of the prettiest girls on the planet? Seriously, I'm not gay, but I want to fuck him in the ass while stroking his silky frosted tipped hair. I'm so warped by this stupid show that I find myself going to Vote For The Worst after every show to read about the shit that I just force fed myself, too. It's like I'm doing ass to mouth on myself.

Anyhow, back to Sanjaya. Just seeing his big gleaming chiclet teeth when he smiles makes me want to smash his face in with a hammer. I also want to tear his hair out in big bloody clumps and stomp on his windpipe with soccer cleats on. It just makes me so... angry... that some semi-hot chick with the titties and that ass got voted off and he got to stay. He's probably only on the show still because he deep throats Simon, Randy and Ryan in the back room while Paula watches and dildo's herself with a baguette.

If you think this show makes me angry you should see how I drive in Chinatown during rush hour. And that ladies and gentlemen is why I don't live in civilization anymore and start drinking right when I wake up in the morning. It calms my nerves.