Holy Glowing Cow Droppings Batman! Yup -- A brand new Arnold prank! Thanks to Jay for digging this gem up. As you know we already featured a flash animation of one of the pranks, and yes, there are three more in the works, YOU IDIOT!

There are so many free high quality videos on my Vid Vault page that you wont know what to download first. I update it every day with brand new vids, too! Click here.

As you know I was running a contest called "Link Whore." As I predicted, it was a total flop, with only three whores-- err, females... entering. For some reason I thought that there would be more cheap sluts out there who wouldn't mind showing off their bodies for the whole world to see, in exchange for tons and tons of hits from desperate college students looking for hookers through the Internet.

Unfortunately I was wrong. Surprisingly, all three entries were from chicks in the porn industry. Let's take a look, shall we?

Allison: [image 1] [image2]

Jesus Christ. Looks like someone got smacked in the face at birth with the ugly stick. Being 80 years old doesn't help her either. Only one thing comes to mind when looking at those fantabulous pictures: NO LINK FOR YOU!

Kate: [image 1] [image 2]

Ughhh... Looks like she's been using her thighs to smuggle in Mexicans from across the border.. for the LAST ONE HUNDRED YEARS! What's that? Do you hear something? Oh, I think I can make it out... NO LINK FOR YOU!

Webmistress G: [image 1] [image 2]

You know when you get sent photos where the chicks doesn't show her face that something is seriously wrong. Are those zits on your pussy and the glow in the dark dildo supposed to distract me from the fact that there's NO LINK FOR YOU?!

You know ladies, it's really hard being this suave. If you're not a ditchpig and don't have zits on your pussy, you know what to do... 'cause girl, I want to give you a bath with my tongue. I want to love you the way you know you want to be loved. Maybe if you're luck you'll get to spend a night with...

EL STILO -- THE POON PIRATE! ARRRRRGH YE MATEY!

Check out Out Of Stile Part 2. The new serialized comic by me and Ghostmann! Hopefully we can pump one out each week. Aaron has been doing his own comic on dotCULT recently, which has spawned some racist copycats. Boy are they hilarious!

Stile Project Top Secret XXX Babes:

Lolanda - Shaniqua - Latoya - Laquisha

See teen whores get ripped open by cock! Click here!

"The biggest worry for all of us is global warming. Putting oil men in charge of America right now is like sending Hunter Thompson off to look after Elvis during the summer of '77." -- R.U. SIRIUS

I want to start this update off on a positive note. Hopefully the site is running a lot faster now as we just added in two new servers. I have so much stuff to cover today I hope you can keep up.

Thanks again to all who bought T-shirts -- There are still a few Stile Project shirts left, and I expect them to all be sold out by the end of the week. I'm not going to make any T-shirts ever again because it's just too much of a hassle. Once these are gone, that's it.

I had an absolutely miserable weekend as I went to my Uncle's funeral on Friday. I haven't seen him in years, so it made it even stranger. It was bitter cold out and there was a foot of snow on the ground. I hardly knew anyone there. Twenty minutes went by, we dropped him into the ground, and that was that. It was a very dehumanizing event. Felt like a McFuneral. The fast food of death. I still feel extremely melancholy about the event.

The last thing I heard about my Uncle was that he was shitting in his bed and went blind due to diabetes. My mom came in three days ago and said that they were giving him morphine. That's code for "he'll be dead in 24 hours." If anyone ever says one of your relatives is on morphine, it means they're already dead.

I was standing by the grave and the Rabbi asked the men to shovel some dirt onto the casket. That whole "dust to dust" thing. Some whore was standing behind me talking about how good the movie "Boiler Room" was. What the fuck? How can you be talking about a movie when we're about to drop a relative into ground? Fuck, I need some morphine.

Funerals are a good time to do a reality check and analyze your own mortality. Maybe realize the sanctity of life and how fast it slips by... Well, it sounds good in theory, but I really just came home and got drunk off my ass. I'm being haunted at night by memories of that side of my family from when I was a kid. Funerals are a miserable experience.

Oh, I guess when I said I'd be starting this update off on a positive note I was lying. Take a look a this: More DISABLED PORN! This shit cracks me up! Not to mention making me physically ill. They made these pictures into a fucking calendar! Who the fuck would buy something like this? I think this one, this one and this one are the funniest ones. There is just something about retarded invalids that makes me laugh. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with an invalid. Probably really sloppy.

Remember those awesome Arnold Schwartenegger prank calls? Well, now you can do your own! Some dude programmed all the sound bites into this thing here. Basically, you call up some moron (or Chinese restaurant) and put the phone up to your computer speakers and hit the buttons that make the sound clips go off. YOU IDIOT! So, I know all of you are going to be going nuts with this thing. All that I ask is that you record it and send it in!

Now I would like to introduce to you the game that you have all been waiting for! STILE PROJECT TOURNAMENT! Level One: Rykers Island -- Beware!

Random Images: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15]

Click here for the #1 rated porn site on the entire web -- Now with Jenna Jameson!

Three cheers for Britney Spears' nipple!

Here's a cool site that documents the various drugs and ways to have sex on (with) them. Personally, I have never had sex on any drug, but would like to try it sometime on Ecstasy. Though I heard that once you have sex on a strong drug it becomes really boring when you do it without the drug. Strange.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was probably the best movie I've seen this year. The cinematography, storyline and choreography were so breathtakingly beautiful I was glued to my seat from start to finish. Honestly, even if you aren't into martial arts or "foreign films" you should still see it.

The ending was pretty surprising as well and really threw me for a loop. I'd also recommend seeing Requiem For A Dream, from the director of Pi.

Four videos for you today. All these videos have been compressed using the DIVX codec. I would recommend downloading it if you want to watch them.

The first video is a fucking smoking chick stripping -- Grab it here. If any of you know who she is, please let me know. I think I'm in love!

The second is a stupid porn blooper featuring a dumb hooker smashing her head against the video camera -- Grab it here.

The third is an example of what happens when you mess with the bull -- Grab it here.

This one is the true meaning of cyber-sex -- Grab it here.

Reader Mail:

• From: DogBomb
• Subject: scat-type links.

http://www.smellypoop.com/poop.html - for the facts about scat. "Are there people who eat poop?" and other hilaious questions, such as "Is it possible for a man to have poop come out of his penis, or for a woman to poop out of her vaginal opening?"

Also check out http://www.kcinter.net/~tarbaby/things3.htm If you want your readers to make a girls life miserable with emails :)

DogBomb also sent in the DILDONATOR.

• From: Armond
• Subject: GWB sucks my nuts

I thought you might get a kick out of this. I got a ticket today shortly after this picture was taken, for "Exhibiting Obscene Material". You tell me...I thought it was a perfectly valid opinion, but then again I'm just a regular citizen...I guess the opinions of the gestapo are more important than mine.

The best part was that before the coppers took my sign, for every person who flipped me off, there were 5 people who laughed and clapped and honked their horns...a couple people even drove by a few times and took pictures. Who elected this idiot?

Anyway, my court date is on February 26th. That should be fun.

Let me know if you win your court case or not. I'm curious as to what your argument is going to be. Our freedom of expression is being systematically eradicated, and it takes people like you to fight back. A little civil disobedience never hurt any society. What you did earned my respect and was pretty fucking funny.

From: (\/)ad_T3kn33k5
Subject: me so horny for glow in the dark monkey

I read in the paper the other day that scientists have actually fucked with jellyfish and lemur DNA and came up with a GLOW-IN-THE-DARK MONKEY. What the fuck? I mean, it's not so much the genetic engineering that freaks me out (which, coincidentally, it does), it's the fact that these fucking dumbshits are messing with the very building blocks of life, and what's one of the first things they decide to make? A GLOW IN THE FUCKING DARK FUKCING MONKEY, that's what. unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any other sources yet to check the story against/get you some photos. Just thought you might need something to help you loose even MORE faith in society, I'll send you some rope soon so you can hang yourself and get the bullshit over with.

You fucking moron, the monkey doesn't actually glow in the dark, but its cells do. All they did was take the bioluminescence gene from the Jellyfish and graft it into the monkeys DNA. Why would this make me lose faith in society? In fact I'd say it would make me gain faith, though this has nothing to do with society but rather the scientific community. Breakthroughs like these will eventually lead to cures for terminal illnesses. It's ignorant fucks like you who would rather teach Jesus than evolution in our schools.

Check out Gizmo's review of Finding Forrester, the most important film of our generation.

Hey, the T-shirts are almost all sold out, so get one while you still can. I don't plan on doing them any more once these are gone as it's just too much of a hassle.

Oh, someone e-mailed me this video of a guy using one of those stun guns on his balls. Why anyone would want to do this voluntarily is beyond me. Grab it here -- you need DIVX to see.

Anyhow, sorry for the brief update today but I have a funeral to go to. I'm working on something amazing for Monday. It will hands-down be the funniest thing you have EVER seen.

I think the thing that pisses me off the most when someone in my family dies is that I can't masturbate for weeks after. I just get this feeling like I'm being watched. Really creepy.

Where am I? Who are all you people? Why do you keep sending me stupid videos?

Check this out... You've all seen the movie Clerks right? You know, that Kevin Smith joint. The guy who also did Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and Dogma. Well he's shooting a new movie called Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (Snooch!) and there is this contest going on where you can win a part in the movie.

I was born to play this part. We all know it's all about the bitches, blunts and 40s! Well, if you want a shot at the role I guess you can try as well, but don't blame me if I win. I just think it would be cool as hell to smoke a blunt with Jay and Silent Bob on the big screen.

Why am I so confident that I should play the part? Because. I have a huge dick.

Dante: I'm stuck in this pit, earning less than slave wages, working on my day off, dealing with every backward fuck on the planet, the goddamn steel shutters are locked all day, I smell like shoe polish, I've got an ex-girlfriend who's catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks.

Randal: Thirty-seven.

Well, I just found out my Uncle died today so I'll be going to a funeral tomorrow. It's really weird since I haven't seen that part of my family in years. Funerals really suck, and death is something I still don't understand. It's just so surreal being alive and functioning one day, and an empty slab of meat the next.

When you got the munchies, nothing else will do! Yeah, I know, I know. Poor taste. Fucking Japanese people man, what will they do next?

Oh, for my next birthday, guess who I'm hiring?

Shop smart. Shop GayMart. Damn, I can't believe a store like that exists! I think the most hilarious thing about the sign is the "Parking In Rear" text. That is just too fucking funny. BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL ON K-Y IN AISLE 6! Next time you're in Los Angeles, check out FagMart. It's on Santa Monica Blvd.

There are so many free high quality videos on my Vid Vault page that you wont know what to download first. I update it every day with brand new vids, too! Click here.

It drives me fucking insane when my page gets hacked. This time I was smart and saved it here. Thanks to all of you who wrote me with the supportive and kind words. It touched me. I really appreciate you all coming out for me in my time of need.

I am offering a $10,000 reward to anyone that can find out the identity of the hacker and give me information leading to his/her arrest. As an additional bonus, Amber will let the winner fuck her in the ass and come in her mouth. She says she'll put it in writing.

stileproject.com - meaty goodness in every bite!

Jon writes:

I don't know if you've gotten an e-mail about this, but this past Sunday a pro wrestler broke his leg in a pay-per-view match, and it is definitely the sickest thing I've ever seen, at least 10x worse than watching Thiesman's broken leg injury. The link to the video is here:

http://stileproject.com/sidsbreak.rm

OUCH. I think I just lost my lunch. Wait, no. This made me lose my lunch: Homosexual Japanese Food Eaters. Or maybe it was this picture right here?

January is probably the slowest month of the year news/Internet wise.

The only really interesting thing I've come across this month are photos of a dead Chris Farley that some dude e-mailed me today (though I've seen these pictures everywhere).

Is this Chris Farley? Image [1] - Image [2] - Image [3]

I really miss that dude. He was hilarious and when I heard that he died I was shocked. I swear that the cast of Saturday Night Live is cursed. This Eight-Ball's for you, man.

Besides that, everyone is putting forth a half-assed effort to be entertaining this time of year.

Why though? What makes this month different? I don't know if it's because it's winter, or people are just trying to "be good" for a while to make themselves think they aren't going to hell... I wish I was in hell right now. At least it's nice and warm there.

I fucking tear my hair out everyday trying to think of something to do to entertain you guys, but this time of year it's extra hard because all the perverts are taking it slow.

By next Monday we should have two new servers installed, which means the site will load faster and stop crashing. This site is being pummeled to death by you guys!

Once again, I really want to thank all of you that bought some of the Stile Project T-shirts. It really helped out a lot, and most of the money went to the new servers. I'd love it if some of you sent in pictures of yourselves wearing them... I'd put them in a gallery or something.

"When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil." -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handy.

Just who the hell was Lobster Boy?

Check out this news article about Lobster Boy.

Strange -- his name was "Grady Stiles."

I really love all those cuddly circus freaks. Skeleton Man, Pinheads, Bearded Ladies. Just thinking about them gives me a warm feeling inside. Or maybe it's just from laughing at their pain. Suckers.

We're talking about the upcoming Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy movies on .cult -- Check out the trailers. Is it just me, or did Angelina Jolie get some new breasts for this movie?

Hark! What's that cum yonder vagina? VAG-ART!

Yes kids, the new art form that's sweeping Europe entails sticking objects (but not just any objects!) up your vagina and posing in a whorish position for the world to see.

Gumby? Bowling pins? Drills? FRANKENSTEIN? Mmmhmm.

VAG-ART 1 - VAG-ART 2 - VAG-ART 3 - VAG-ART 4 - VAG-ART 5

"Blessed be the cunt."

Now, if you have some time to kill, might I suggest that you visit the recently updated Random Image Gallery?

Hey look, we found a picture of Marilyn Mansons mom.

Look at the titties to your left. How cool is that? Would you suck on those strange titties? Answer that question honestly, no one can hear you.

If you said YES, then you belong at this website. If you said NO, then you probably belong in a place like this.

Hmm.. Here's a good way to have fun in the office.

Got any fucked up shit to share? Drop me a line.

Speaking of fucked up, this image is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. What would make someone want to totally remove their genitals? I can't even understand why...

OUT OF STILE: The Stile Project Comic Strip.

Me and Ghostmann are doing a weekly comic now. I write the story, he does the ink. If you have any ideas you'd like to see incorporated into the comic, let me know. Here is the first one.

Homosexual Cartoons:

Who knew? Thanks to DogBomb for the fag-art.

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Today's Special Links:

The Crackhead Cam (Live from the GHETTO!)

Ford Model Agency (Shop for a white women online!)

<-- To your left is a voting question. Choose your favorite webcam and vote for it!