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In
the rare chance that Stile didn't manage to introduce me between
updates detailing the future of public lactation and the effect
this will have on the Middle East peace talks, let me take this
opportunity to do so. My name is Kristy and I'm a 5'10" stripper
with a heart of gold and tits big enough to bounce a trailer tanker
truck off of. I love to go to Kandy Raves and hang around AOL channels
where I try to hit on 60 year old virgins who live in their grandparents'
attic, collecting tentacle rape porn and jacking off to the Home
Depot catalogue all day.
Now
that this is out of the way, let me get to the real point of this
article. Stile was interested in having me regularly contribute
content to his wonderful website, and since there's not really much
else to do in prison, I agreed. I was initially hesitant to do so,
as the problem with writing for a site that you didn't create lies
in the fact that you're not accustomed to the readers' personalities
and they'll all initially hate you. You're kind of in a lose-lose
situation; if you emulate the writing style of the webmaster, his
readers will accuse you of ripping him off. If you write in your
own style, the readers will hate you because they've grown to love
and expect the webmaster's distinct writing. Luckily I don't really
care either way, and the only reaction I'm hoping to get is pity
because I have a very tiny penis growing from the back of my skull.
In
my free time, which consists of 24 hours each day, I run the site
Something
Awful. You can expect to see more of these gratuitous links
to my site, as my traffic pales in comparison to the numbers moved
at Stile Project each day. While Stile gets hundreds of emails every
day, asking for more incest porn and damning him to hell for superimposing
a picture of the Pope over a hermaphrodite engaging in oral sex
with a beach umbrella, the only email I get are messages from my
mother, asking if I died, and if I did, whether or not she can have
my DVD player. That goes with the territory; while Stile gets mail
from viewers across the globe, I only get mail from people who are
directly related to me and want to see me "use the 'f-word'
a lot less."
So
the major problem here lies in the fact that we have different reader
bases and different personalities. To illustrate the major contrast
between our sites, I took the liberty of putting together a "graphical
montage" which clearly displays how our two sites differ. Leading
cultural psychologists, who think they're all hot shit just because
major drug companies regularly ship them crates of trial prescription
drugs, believe that visual aids are the quickest way to get a point
across. Since most of the Internet can be navigated through without
blindly reaching towards your screen and feeling for hundreds of
tiny little bumps, this will really work out for me.
To
help showcase the difference between sites, I have taken advantage
of a few of the more "hilarious" comics from Computer
Trader Cartoons, a page dedicated to offering only the most
high quality cartoons drawn by a person who was repeatedly gangraped
by cafeteria workers when he was a child. As an added bonus, all
these images are 100% FREE FOR USE, meaning that you don't
have to worry about getting sued for "editing" his work,
unlike the time I stole Funky Winkerbean comics and used the main
characters to promote my Nazi propaganda. Let's get on to the first
example:
[NOTE
FROM STILE TO STUPID READERS: You can click the "tiny"
picture to make it "big"]
 This
is the unedited cartoon. Note that you're actually looking at the
ENTIRE cartoon, and not just 10% of it, the 10% that leads in to
some really big and hilarious joke. The comic points out the hilarious
and highly amusing anecdotes which ensue when a chubby real estate
dealer attempts to rip off some yuppie! Humor ahoy! Also not that
there are bats flying from the chimney, so the guy will probably
have to pay extra to vampire-proof the entire place. Crazy!
Now
let's move on to the Something Awful version of this comic, graphically
illustrating the difference in humor.
 Ha
ha!
See,
this comic is funny because if you'll look closely, the house appears
to be sinking into a large crevice. Now I don't know about you,
but when I think of "large crevice", I think of Goatse.cx,
which is like the pinnacle of humor as far as myself and my readers
are concerned.
Goatse.cx
is the gift that keeps on giving, like Hallmark greeting cards or
bowel cancer. Note that I also used the "Comic" font,
which indicates the fact that this is indeed a comic and should
be read as such. The font is just screaming out, "you ain't
readin' Shakespeare, buddy, unless Shakespeare has the mad comic
stylings of Carrot Top!"
With
that out of the way, let's check out the Stile Project version of
the same cartoon:
 Here's
where the real difference in sites shines through. Not only has
the entire purpose of the comic changed, but a darker and more sinister
commentary regarding pop culture is revealed.
Also
there is an old woman with a sagging dick. Let's move on to comic
number two.
 Oh
boy, I can barely think straight due to my nonstop convulsions of
laughter and / or the narcotics in my system! The two aliens, shown
above, are poking fun of Earth's space technology because they're
highly advanced compared to us! Ha ha! Or, as the kids say on the
Internet, "LOL"! This cartoon can be classified as comedy
making fun of current events, assuming we time travel back about
six years and steal material from the Jay Leno show.
I certainly
hope these two wisecracking aliens are featured in another comic,
perhaps insulting Earth's primitive hotpants technology! Oh, the
wacky antics that will ensue! Onto the Something Awful version:
 Once
again, when all else fails, go to Goatse.cx.
Never fails. It's a real crowd pleaser, like when Vanilla Ice comes
on stage to perform some of his newer stuff that sounds completely
different than his older work, but the crowd only wants to hear
one thing: the sound of him leaving the building. As a general rule,
you should use a Goatse.cx reference to turn even the most spectacular
failure into something the kids will really enjoy and look upon
fondly.
Now
to the Stile Project conversion:
 A
dead baby, which really symbolizes, uh, dead babies in our community,
is one of the quickest and easiest shock tactics to spring upon
your viewers.
Once
they get sick of that, you can begin stalking people and having
various restraining letters placed on you like smash-hit webmaster
Archu, who if I'm not mistaken, is far too advanced and futuristic
for the rest of us webpeons who can't handle the shock of seeing
pictures ripped from Rotten.com appear on yet ANOTHER website. Also
note that the dead baby is peeing all over the floor, which doesn't
make too much sense because hey, it's dead already. Chalk it up
to biting social commentary or some shit.
Let's
proceed to the last comic now, shall we?
 Okay,
now this a clique comic, aimed at targeting a very specific minority
of the general populace, in this case, the mental invalids. See,
people have shag carpets, and people have magic carpets, but nobody's
ever had MAGIC SHAG CARPETS! Why? Because it's a fucking stupid
idea, that's why. But just because something is fucking stupid doesn't
mean you shouldn't publish it to the masses of people across the
globe! Take this article for example!
 In
the Something Awful version of this comic, I modified the clique
comic to appeal to all the people who follow Jeff K. and the various
other hosted sites on SA. Since it's a highly target cartoon aimed
at a small minority, I can safely forsake humor.
The
funny part lies in the fact that I am merely referencing something
that's cool to the "in crowd!" GOATSE.CX!!!
 Now
in this final comic, the Stile Project vibe really shines through.
The sleazy Egyptian pedophile is trying to sell the "limp dicked"
Yasser Arafat a magic carpet.
Yasser responds by saying "Aye Carumbah," which I eventually
crossed out and gave up on because I forgot how to spell it correctly.
Yasser ends up saying, "holy shit," which gets the point
across just as well.
Also note that there is a small dog raping Yasser's asshole, but
you can't see it because I used Photoshop to edit the picture and
accidentally either put the dog in the layer behind this picture
or erased it completely. Either way, it's no incredible loss.
I hope
this article has helped you distinguish the difference between the
three sites involved, and the problems inherent to producing content
for a site that isn't your own. If you have gotten absolutely no
help whatsoever from this, and in fact view it as a colossal waste
of your time which could've been better spent injecting ammonium
into your bloodstream, let me remind you of the following fact:
GOATSE.CX!
| 
So
anyhow, I'm thinking about buying this Compaq iPAQ 3635 off of eBay
because you can't get them around here, or practically anywhere
for that matter.
Hi!
I'm Christopher Reeves! When
I'm not running marathons, building houses with my bare hands and
bodybuilding, I like to read GAY CARTOONS!
Hidy
ho! Greetings from Norway, gay faggot! Your mother is actually over
here right now, sucking off my tiny dick. Yes, I have nothing to
hide, not even my tiny penis. What a fucking skank. And she even
has breastcancer, so her breasts are black and canceroid-ridden.
Well, that's not what i'm here to say. I just want to say that i
hope you and your familiy die and go to Jerusalem. Hello. So, what's
up in your life? anything new going on? i think i love you. i have
so much anger botteled up, but now i realize that i'm just a flaming
homosexual. thank you for your time, mister hanson, i loved you
in wallstreet. be seeing you around!
Afghanistan
has an amazingly rich heritage and is filled to the brim with
archaeological and cultural goodness, but that has and is changing.
There were these HUGE Buddhas that were carved out of the side
of these cliffs. Almost 200 feet tall, they must have taken a
century to carve out of solid rock by hand.