In these topsy-turvy days of Anthrax scares and bomb threats it seems America has lost its humor. With Jeb Bush offering $5000 to anyone with information leading to the arrest of an Anthrax prankster, and a life sentence for threatening the use of weapons of mass destruction, some of us must turn to new, less dangerous pranks. 

From the basic to the bold, we here at Stile Project will offer you the newest and most exciting pranks on the market, all with prison sentences under 10 years.  

Cricketing - This is a prank I thought up years ago, but have yet to use. It takes balls as well as money and coordination. Do not attempt this unless you can go all the way. At this website you can order crickets for $14.00 for 1000. That's 10,000 crickets for under $150. If you film this you will make your money back in a week, guaranteed. I also suggest going in with a few people as it may take a getaway driver and some people to act as a look out.

So here's what you do: Fill up two trash bags full of your newly purchased crickets. Put the trash bags inside shopping bags as a disguise, and drive them over to the local mall.  Go to the top level of the mall, hopefully somewhere near an exit. The best spot to hit is above the food court, but probably anywhere will work. I suggest having someone planted below to film the whole thing and someone to watch for security guards; but if you're like the average Stile Project reader, and have no friends, this is something you can do by yourself. 

The mall will be shut down for hours as they try to catch all these crickets. Just imagine the look on Dong-Wongs face as he is frying up a batch of spicy chicken fried rice when out of nowhere it starts raining locusts! Truly these are the end times! 1000 giant hissing roaches could also be effective as 10,000 crickets. 

Fun Tip: Make sure you keep the crickets warm, they move around more when they are hot. 

Soaping A Fountain - One of the most basic pranks which can be great if taken to extreme levels. Most outdoor fountains will bubble up quite a bit if you dump a bottle of laundry detergent in them, but overdoing it is where you find true success. The best way to do this cost effectively is to go to Safeway. Safeway lists the prices of laundry detergent in price per load. You will want to find something under 10 cents a load if possible. You will need a few people to help you with this so go in on the price with them. 

Use only liquid detergent! Liquid works much better and faster. The more bottles the better, but I suggest two big bottles per person. This is good for two reasons: 1) When buying them you will look less suspicious if you each have only two bottles and 2) you can only effectively carry two bottles each to the fountain. If you fill a large fountain with 6 bottles of laundry detergent you will have one of the most fantastic scenes on your hands. 

Fun Tip: Toss the bottles in the fountain when you are done; the water will probably wash off some of the fingerprints.  

Fun With The Phone Book - Only do this if you are patient willing to spend hours on it. If you aren't willing to go all the way its not worth your time. First find someone you don't like. Get their phone number and address. Then go through the phone book looking for people who offer free estimates. Call everyone you find and have them show up all at the same time to do an estimate on this persons house. Then call the local news media and tell them that something big is going to happen. 30 min before the event call pizza places and Chinese food places and anyone who will take an order. 

Soon enough one of the largest traffic jams you will ever see will take place. People will be everywhere and your enemy will have to deal with it all. It will make the 6 o'clock news and you can watch and laugh at this piece of shit who fucked your girlfriend back in the 11th grade. This can also be used on a smaller scale to piss off people you just kinda hate. 

Fun Tip: Use some of these boxes to avoid getting your phone calls traced.

Pumpkins - This is not exactly a prank, but it is some of the most fun I have ever had in my life. Pumpkins bounce when dropped out of a car going 70 MPH. This is no joke. I've done it twice. 

Here's what you do: Find a pumpkin patch or some sort of pumpkin sale. Halloween is coming up, this should not be hard. Grab as many as you can, because even the small ones are fun. Find a highway and toss them out the window. Most of them will just explode on impact, but if you get one to roll the right way, it will go along the ground and then shoot up about 30 feet in the air before exploding. One of the best things I have ever seen was when my friends and I stole a 300 LB pumpkin and threw it out the back of my moms minivan. It was really hard to push out, but when we did it, it skidded for about 50 yards then exploded, covering 4 lanes of traffic with pumpkin entrails. A truly amazing sight.

Fun Tip: Do this at night or you will kill someone.

Totaling A Car - Totaling a car is a lot easier than you think. This is not exactly a fun prank, but if you really hate someone, this is the trick for you. Break fluid all over a car will ruin the paint. A knife to the wall of the tire can do hundreds of dollars in damage. Sugar in the gas tank really does work. Once you've done all that, you can go at it with a bat, break a few windows and lights and get the fuck out of there before they get to the phone to call the cops. It's easy to do and most of it is quiet. You and 3 other friends can ruin someone's life in a matter of seconds! 

Fun Tip: Gasoline is cheap and burns very, very well.

Junk Mail - So you hate someone, but they don't have a car... and you are too lazy to call everyone in the phone book on them. Well I suggest planting crack in his locker or pepper spraying him and then beating the shit out of him, but if that doesn't work you can try this. Find out his address. Then go to mini marts, bookstores and any place they sell magazines. Fill out every order form you can for subscriptions, limited edition plates and various figurines.

He won't have to pay for any of it, but do you have any idea how annoying sending back all that shit has to be. Think about how annoying it is to get those fucking AOL disks in the mail every day, now multiply that by 1000. Sending people junk mail is the best because if they forget to send back just one thing you will ruin their credit and cost them lots of money.

Fun Tip: Porn mailing lists are good if you are just trying to fill their e-mail box with junk.

If you try any of these pranks, let us know.  If you make the paper send Stile the article. He will probably post them. If he doesn't I will publish them here. These things can be hilarious, but dangerous so play it smart and don't get caught!