Welcome back to Stile Project's reader mail section, where you, loyal reader, get to share your pearls of wisdom. Just make sure to wash your hands after. If you have something to contribute, feel free to e-mail me.

Older reader mail: 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33 / 34 / 35 / 36 / 37 / 38 / 39

• From: Andrew [xensha@hotmail.com]
• Subject: Something funny

I was just toolin' along this lonely road in Mid-Michigan, and behold, I found stile's compound! I couldn't believe my eyes... I found where Stile lives dude! Can you believe it? Who would imagine that this maniac lives within ten minutes of my house...

Ok so that was retarded but at least it was an amusing thought.

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• From: jacky ng [ng_jacky_ng@hotmail.com]
• Subject: i think u realy should do this

u should put some rapin vedio on ur site

ppl realy like to c guys rape a grul

I think you should learn English, motherfucker.

• From: Pete
• Subject: sand sculptures

Hey mate! Check out these awesome sand sculptures from a contest held in Sydney recently!

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• From: pat [mainlane@hotmail.com]
• Subject: Reader Mail w/ Pictures

Hey, Long time reader/viewer/downloader. Ive always wanted the chance to contribute and this came into my mailbox today. I dont know when it
happened but it was recently and just outside my city. Apparently it was hit by a train and launched up there. Have fun!

p.s. dont take any guff from those goy swine!

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Fucking awesome!

• From: Charlotte Somers [charlottesomers16@yahoo.com]
• Subject: Reader Mail

Hi Stile. I love your site, especially your random pictures. I can't tell you how many times I have sat at home alone in the dark and watched your videos so that I could cum into a wine glass and drink it all down. I hope you will like my pictures enough to put them out there.

Charlotte

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Jesus CHRIST! I think I just choked on my fucking tongue! You are the fucking ugliest woman I've ever fucking seen! You should get that growth between your legs checked out, I think it's fucking cancerous, you fucking pig! Ugh. I have to go wash my fucking eyes out with bleach now you sick, sick fuck! You're never allowed to visit this site again! BANNED!

• From: cali mike [calimike_1999@yahoo.com]
• Subject: Lenord Nimoy

I have a story about how I got real close to my favorite alien Spock from Star Trek. I met this girl when I was 18, her name was Liz. I met her using one of my old pimp hat trick moves, where I was sucking on her tongue while the date I was on was waiting in the car behind the wall of the payphone I was using. I was magic. The next time we hooked up, I popped her cherry at her friend's condo. I was very surprised she was a virgin by the way she sucked dick, she must of seen a lot of porn or something.

The next time we hooked up I went to another of her friend's house. It was Lenord Nimoy's neice. When Spock's neice went to the other room me and Liz went at it, she gave me blowjob and then like something from a Sci Fi movie, I shot my wad and it landed on her family photo with her Uncle Spock.

I mean it landed right on his face.

It was completly unintentional, and I didn't notice where it went until the lights went on. I mean what are the chances. I quickly cleaned my mess with a pillow from her bed, wiped the picture frame clean, and put it back where it was on her well made bed. Spocks neice slept with my nut on her bed. Yuck. If Lenord ever found out he would probally do that neck pintch thing on me. The reason I am reminded of this is that was the last time I saw Liz for like five years. Recently I ran into both girls again, on a Friday 13. Weird. I just thought I would let someone in on the inside joke I keeped cracking up about when I partied with them again.

Later, mike.

BEST FUCKING READER MAIL EVER! YOU WIN THE PRIZE!

• From: Al Bundy [slasherx@hotmail.com]
• Subject: How do they survive?

1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

2. The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in the movie Twister.

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

7. My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

• From: Christian [cwagner@io.com]
• Subject: More proof of Japanese insanity

I know you're probably sick of "OMG JAPSCAT" links... But I think this is pretty unique.

There's several different... err... "models". *cough*

• From: Lars [railboy20@hotmail.com]
• Subject: cerebral

I'm always surprised by the honesty & openness of the people who write to you. That huge letter in your latest batch (about the guy who found love at his dead-end job) was the kind of sob story that's usually told over some girl's tear-soaked shoulder, not to an internet celebrity. It's kind of cool. Maybe we don't need more caring, loving people in this world - maybe all we need are more balding, judgmental shut-ins. Anyhow, I was going to complain about how much it sucks not having a girlfriend, but I've got some porn to get back to. (Thanks, by the way.)

• From: Lewis [therichesthobo@yahoo.com]
• Subject: I can top your sushi illness story

Last Christmas i took a cruise on a huge cruise ship. On the first afternoon, i celebrated the ships wonderful luxury by carousing around, sampling various 90+ proof drinks and mumbling to myself like a New York Hobo. Unfortunately, this caused me to pass out early and wake up sober around 11:30AM. After an hour of hang-over dry heaves, I left my room and went to the all night bar to get some food. They a seafood salad which i had about a plate of (i get hungry after drinking).

Shortly thereafter i returned to my room and tried to sleep. As i lay in bed however, I felt a strange pressure in my chest vaguely reminiscent to what I felt the night of my high school graduation. It got worse, until I stopped trying to hold it in and ran to the bathroom to throw up (i hate throwing up).

This was not ordinary vomiting, Oh no, it was more like a -i had my colon and stomach switched in Vegas- vomiting. It burst forth like a mighty river, or a sexed crazed teenager to a porn site. And it also found its way through my nose, and left me smelling vomit for hours afterwards. I threw up a few more times, experimenting in the many ways to expel food poisoning from your body. I even sat on the toilet and shit liquid while vomiting into a trash can.

I finally gave up trying to go back to bed, and slept in the bathtub, turning the shower on to wash away any vomit i might expel while passed out. It turns out that vomit coats the bathtub, and i awoke to a crust of it all around me.

I remained sick for the next day, and finally felt better that night. I celebrated by having some saki, and trying the sushi bar. It was like some weird repetition, because i was as sick that night as the first.

I altogether gave up on eating anything exotic and spent the rest of the cruise in a slightly drunken stupor, drinking only 30+ proof drinks, and ate nothing but crackers.

The lesson learned here is you cant trust anything but beer and crackers.

• From: Al Bundy [slasherx@hotmail.com]
• Subject: sex

The facts of life according to...

Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."

George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal in women. Among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."

Groucho Marx: "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

• From: Grandmaster Plague
• Subject: Electron Microscope Fag

I'm a long time reader of your site, and I just recently got the chance to read the second-latest installment of your reader mail section (http://www.stileproject.com/readermail1.html) Anyhow, the second message from the bottom is a story about a so-called Scanning Electron Microscope technician who was examining and playing with the living creatures on our eyelashes under this Scanning Electron Microscope. Although a halfway decent story, this somehow didn't seem right to me. Then I remembered my high-school biology class.

I come from an upper class area with a very distinguished public school system. We pay 10x as much of our income in property taxes, so why not? Anyhow, my high school had its very own Scanning Electron Microscope that someone thought would be a good use of taxpayer dollars to buy. It was only used twice a year for demonstrations to the biology and chemistry classes, yet the school still flipped the bill for the several-thousand dollar annual maintenance fee to readjust the lenses and so on and so forth.

So, back to the point of my story. I remembered that we couldn't watch anything live under the microscope because specimens had to be kept in a vacuum to be examined and no living thing can survive in a vacuum.

The story I read on your site was bullshit. I investigated and everything2 showed similar findings. Basically, that asshole's story about zapping those critters with electron beams and watching them burrow into the hair was complete crap. The picture he "took" was probably ripped off some science journal's website or something.

Moral of the story is, don't believe everything you read on the internet, no matter whether or not you think "oh, this is so fucking dumb, why would anyone bother lying about this." Oh, and also, if you post stupid fake stories, don't ever think "oh, this is so fucking dumb, why would anyone bother figuring out that i lied about this, only a fucking loser would do that." There are alot of fucking losers on the Internet.

Sincerely,
Grandmaster Plague