Welcome back to Stile Project's reader mail section, where you, loyal reader, get to share your pearls of wisdom. Just make sure to wash your hands after. If you have something to contribute, feel free to e-mail me.

Older reader mail: 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33 / 34 / 35 / 36 / 37 / 38 / 39 / 40 / 41 / 42

• From: Milosz
• Subject: Reader Mail

Hi Stile,

Jesus, my back was hurting, so I went to my orthopedist asking him what I could do. After he examined my vertebral column he told me, that I have to change my seat, because my pains are caused by the seat's bad ergonomy. He gave me the advice to buy myself a medical-ball because of it's perfect ergonomy and besides, it strenghtens the back's muscles. So I did and it's the first medicine with quite positive side-effects... I reeeaaally feel better now!

Ahoi, Milosz

• From: dcamp
• Subject: White Power Van

while travelling in europe, i passed by this van. i thought the printing on the side was rather interesting. i don't think it would last 10 minutes if a van like that drove around in the states. anyway, i thought you would appreciate this as a possible addition to your wonderful collection of odd media.

derek

• From: Brian
• Subject: Myasis - Human host for fly larvae (with pics)

Hey Stile -

Today's vocabulary word is myasis. Miasis is where the newly hatched larvae of a fly burrow inside the skin of a living human or animal body, gestate, and then emerge as big daddy larvae. (Hopefully they then go on and kill everyone aboard the ship.)

Choice pics of this can be found here, here and here.

As if all this isn't stomach turning enough, some poor 13-year-old bastard in Kolkata has fully developed flies coming out of his dick.

Enjoy, and keep posting the shocking shit we never hear about or see anywhere else.

B.

• From: Yvonne
• Subject: Joke

Little Jonny was in math class one day and the teacher asks him: "Jonny if there are 5 birds sitting on a power line, and a farmer comes and shoots 2 of them, how many birds are left on the powerline?"

Jonny thinks about it and answers, "None."

The teacher replies, "No, there would be 3 left, but why did you say none?"

Jonny replies "The others would have flown away when they heard the gun go off."

The teacher smiles and says "I like the way you think!"

Little Jonny thinks to himself and then says "Miss, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure" she replies.

"Miss if there are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream, the first one is licking her ice cream, the second is sucking her ice cream and the third is biting hers, which one is married?"

The teacher thinks hard about it, not sure what to answer and says, "the one sucking her icecream."

Little Jonny says "No, the one with the wedding band on her finger, but I like the way you think!"

• From: Hugh
• Subject: Supercuts

I was at Supercuts reading Entertainment Weekly while waiting for a trim. A beautiful, well-fed blonde paraded through the doorway, notified the front desk of her arrival, and sat down next to me. She was quite possibly the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The glow of her hair framed her flawless face. Her breasts were perky, bouncy, and not too big. (And though I'm sure she was wearing a bra, I could still see her nipples right through her periwinkle blue tank top.) As she sat down I noticed she had an excellent butt; it wasn't the best I had ever seen, but it could very easily claim second or third. Her legs seemed to flow out of her mini-skirt like sweet honey from that little plastic bear. I felt compelled to breathe some fresh air through my nose before I lost consciousness. She was a vision...

But she smelled really bad.

My eyes begin to water even recalling the stench. I wasn't sure if she had farted, or if it was some freakishly abnormal body odor. No smell had ever been so rank or vile. I really had to rule out flatulence or anything the body produces; it was just so unnatural.

I was about to get up when she started to talk to me. Now, I completely loathe social situations, but never before had I so cursed polite conversation. There was simply no escaping at that point. When she opened her mouth the smell became more intense. As she breathed each word the situation worsened as if her lungs were filled with the essence of putridity. I tried to politely stare at her breasts or think of something else like any normal man would do when a woman speaks, but my focus could not be pried off her magnetic repugnance. Finally, she finished her first sentence: "What are you reading?"

Usually, in the presence of such beauty, I am speechless, stupid, and flattered that one might even deign to make small talk with me, but in this case I just couldn't fucking shut up. I'm even having trouble remembering exactly what I said. I may have droned about J. Lo and B. Af's latest misadventures. I could have spent ten minutes ranting about how awful the production values were at the Grammy's this year. I might have given a dissertation on the beauty and sexiness of her top and the cleavage resulting thereof. I told her she had an amazing rack, right? Wrong. I spent ten minutes complementing her lovely aroma. I spun silky, poetic prose that would put T.S. Eliot to shame; instead of "talking of Michaelangelo" I spoke of flowers and pheromones and all the primal instincts her scents generated inside me. I chuckle now wondering if her smell was overpowered by the stench of the bullshit I was spewing. But she smiled and blushed and planted a kiss on my cheek when the stylist called her name. I was left dumbfounded with an erection and badly bruised sinuses.

The stylist's nose crinkled as the young lady sat down. I smirked and went back to reading my magazine.

• From: Sean
• Subject: I just got back from Japan.

While there I ate raw whale, raw horse, and raw chicken, not to mention fermented soy beans, pig intestines, and a great many things that still had eyes, like tiny white fish, prawns, and deep fried shrimp (yummy and crunchy with legs and tail still attached). I also drank a cup of hot sake that had a blowfish tail in it (I drank gallons of sake, but that was the weirdest delivery method).

My first experience with the infamous Asian Squat Toilet coincided with the onset of a really bad case of the shits. The resulting unholy mess (sorry, no photos) left me emotionally scarred and gastronomically hesitant. Which, incidentally, is how I would expect my next prospective date to be right after she googles my name and finds this lovely story I wrote for you (from: sean).

• From: Ralph
• Subject: Pot heads

In response to a reader mail from awhile ago regarding some jackass turning his friend's parents onto pot. This fucking guy, like all the other fucking potheads, was probably high the whole motherfucking time he wrote this. First off, potheads seem to think that they gain infinite fucking wisdom when they smoke weed. And when you put them with other fucking potheads, you have a whole group of fucking imbeciles thinking that they grasp the cosmic understanding of the motherfucking universe. Have you ever sat and listened to these fucking idiots while they are smoking? I had the distinct DISpleasure of having a fucking ex-girlfriend who smoked pot and thought that she had it all figured out – The Greatest Mind of Our Time! Working at fucking Wendy’s drive-thru.

Second, this fucking pinhead thinks that the world will legalize pot? Yeah, that's just what the fucking planet needs. A bunch of asshole pot smokers staggering around thinking that they can solve the world's problems with a drag from a fucking blunt.

I abhor pot and pot-users, because it subjects the normal human fucking race to have to listen to the inane drug-induced musings of a bunch of dirty, go-nowhere, classless rambling fucking idiots. If you need to fucking relax, get into a fucking hottub. Jesus!

So, to make a long story short. Fuck this guy and his friend's pot smoking parents, and fuck anyone else who thinks smoking pot is "good for you."

• From: ferris bueller
• Subject: my fucking car

about a year ago my wifes car was broken into and her cd player was stolen. a nice clean job. done very professionally. then a week later my car was broken into. i like to say it was brutally anal raped in my parking lot. my door was left open and the driverside window was popped off track. the passenger window was the same. inside my car were holes that used to have speakers. they left my deck because there was no face on it, but they broke the faceless deck instead.

a screwdriver was broken off in my ignition. i have a trunk lock next to my trunk release lever that was also severly damaged by a screw driver. and so was my rear trunk lock. but there was still another way into my trunk; my back seat which was ripped out. inside my trunk was an empty speaker box. the woofer was unscrewed, and they somehow managed to find my amp, which i could never find the entire time i owned the car.

so with all of my stereo equipment gone they decided to take all of my cd's as well. i guess they needed some tunes. with nothing left to steal my center console was destroyed for apparently no reason. i also had recently picked up pictures from the developer and they were in my glove box. but these jackasses had enough time to sit and go through each and every picture. with my car basicly destroyed they moved to thier next victim. no car was safe that night, but mine was the worst off.

my wife and i were in the process of getting alarms when this happened. in fact her appointment was the day i discovered my car raped. i am just so frustrated at the fact that some little fucker thinks its ok to not work for his own shit. this guy is 17 years old, lives almost 2 hours from me, and has 4 warrents out for his arrest already. his name is bevil something. fag. i swear, if i would have caught him he would still be tied up in my apt with a hot curling iron up his ass. how much of a pussy you got to be to fuck with a mans car? if i could just get my hands on him i would torture him until i died, or got caught.

fuck that little bastard.

the cops know who he is, know where he lives, but can't catch him. or have no desire to work that hard. so here i am thinking my car is fucked. i have an alarm, but who is going to mess with this gutted car? a few months ago someone jacked my chrome caps. that was just funny to me. and this morning my apt manager called to wake me up to let me know that my window had been bashed out. nothing stolen. hell the door was still locked. the window had just been smashed out. so now i am wondering if someone just wanted to get back at me for something. then fuckin' fight me. dont be a pussy and under the cover of night attack my car which cant fight back anyway.

and here is the funny thing. my neighborhood is considered a good neighborhood. the only crime that occurs there is car breakins and they are seldom. but are always on my fuckin car. i would love to have 5 minutes alone with anyone, and i mean anyone, who has ever vandalised a car. so by now you have asked yourself a million times why i am writing you this... because you are no one.

i dont know you and i dont care what you think. i just needed to vent and you just came to mind as the perfect reciever. thanks.

later.

• From: Robert
• Subject: Camel Spider

Stile,

I know you get a lot of shitty e-mails, but that one you got from the guy claiming to have been bitten by the "reclusive brown camel spider" is a fake.

There have been a lot of false stories going around about the "camel spider" since the U.S. went into Afghanistan in 2001. The main one was about the camel spider growing up to 2' in diameter, & attacking some troops that were in a Hummer. How insane! You'd think a spider that large would have had more "coverage" in the media or nature literature.

The "camel spider" or "sun scorpion" is not actually a spider, it's a solifugid -- sort of a cross between a spider and a scorpion. They vary in size, between 1 to 6 inches, depending on the species, sex or age. They do not spin webs and most types (more than 500 species) do not have venom. There is one species that may live in the Southwest Asia area that has a type of venom that causes temporary paralysis in the victim. All species have four pincer-like jaws used for crushing prey. The main risks presented by camel spider bites are shock or infection.

The "brown recluse" spider is found mainly in the southern and Midwestern states especially Arkansas, Oklahoma and Missouri. Instances of them being found in other states have been rare & causes point to the fact that the spider probably hitchhiked (shipped) into the home in furniture, appliances, storage cartons, boxes, old clothes and other household goods (we've had a few cases in Louisiana). The brown recluse spider is not aggressive. Most bitten people have directly contacted the spider when putting on clothing or shoes not used for long periods of time. They usually occur in houses on the floor or behind furniture (undisturbed areas).

The severity of a person's reaction to the bite depends on the amount of venom injected and individual sensitivity to it. Bite effects may be nothing at all, immediate or delayed. Some may not be aware of the bite for 2 to 8 hours, whereas others feel a stinging sensation usually followed by intense pain if there is a severe reaction. A small white blister usually rises at the bite site surrounded by a large congested and swollen area. Within 24 to 36 hours, a systemic reaction may occur with the victim characterized by restlessness, fever, chills, nausea, weakness and joint pain. The affected area enlarges, becomes inflamed and the tissue is hard to the touch. The spider's venom contains an enzyme that destroys cell membranes in the wound area with affected tissue gradually sloughing away, exposing underlying tissues. Within 24 hours, the bite site can erupt into a "volcano lesion" (a hole in the flesh due to damaged, gangrenous tissue).
The open wound may range from the size of an adult's thumbnail to the span of a hand. The sunken, ulcerating sore may heal slowly up to 6 to 8 weeks. Full recovery may take several months and scarring may remain. Plastic surgery and skin grafts are sometimes required.

Those pictures are an accurate depiction of the spider & the severity of it's bite, but the story is totally false. There is a lot more information about "camel spiders" & "brown recluse" all over the internet. I have attached a picture of the "camel spider" for you.

Rob