• From: (UnkNoWn) [smkarg@earthlink.net]
• Subject: Jewish Holiday

A Jewish girl told her Catholic college roommate that she was going home for Rosh Hashanah.

"Oh," the Catholic girl said. "That's the holiday when you light the eight candles, right?"

"No," the Jewish girl replied. "That's Hanukah."

"Oh, right," the Catholic girl said. "Rosh Hashanah is the holiday when you eat the unleavened bread?"

"No," the Jewish girl replied. "That's Passover. Rosh Hashanah is the holiday when we blow the shofar."

"See," the Catholic Girl said. "That's what I like about you Jews... you're so good to the hired help."

• From: swingle [swingle@sympatico.ca]
• Subject: Reader_Mail

ok! I cannot believe I am writing you, but I have to know, I have got to find him: WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE MONSTER CUM SHOT??? I want SOOO badly to drink a load that size, that it is of utmost importance for me to find out where this man is, and whether he would shoot on demand for a willing mouth.

Have any ideas how to reach him? What would the terms be to serve me one giant drink from his cum-faucet? Answer that and I'll give you a finder's fee if he let's me do him =))

Guess what? It's me! Yup, you're the first person to know my dirty little secret! Just imagine the surprise the first time I jacked off. I spewed my hot baby batter all over the room. It was everywhere!! Dripping down my face, off the walls, all over the floor! I'd be more than happy to let you swallow my crotch shnot, but first you have to e-mail me many, many nude pictures of yourself, AND you have to be female. So what the fuck are you waiting for? Get to it!

God you people make me sick.

• From: Jim Fulmer [jfulmer@smarthinking.com]
• Subject: Reader_Mail

This happened outside my office today. The steal beam fell 11 stories and missed this guy's head by six inches!

• From: Tony Mast [shizit187@hotmail.com]
• Subject: 52 hours is nothing

My brother knows this guy who lost his arm cause one day he took to many drugs and fell asleep (passed out) on his arm. you know when you lay on your arm and it goes numb...well he fell asleep on his are for 4 days. and when he woke up he couldnt move it and they had to cut it off cause he cut the
blood off to it...pretty funny.

Yeah, real funny, you insensitive bastard.

• From: Bob [robertr@panhandle.net]
• Subject: Reader_Mail

your a scum sucking asshole...you don't deserve to be in contact with the general population...you piece of shit

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your mother sucks a mean cock. Go back to flipping burgers and licking other mens assholes you cunt.

• From: steve smiley [hhsmiley@hotmail.com]
• Subject: Scat Gazing

Stile and All,

In response to the "do you look in the toilet after you take a dump?" poll, I thought I would share this nugget of scatfact. The Korean phrase meaning piss translates to English as "small comfort". To pinch a loaf is the "big comfort". The verb used with those terms literally means "to look at". So, when a Korean takes a squish they "look at the BIG comfort".

This comes from the fact that looking at one's terd is traditionally a way to determine how everything's going down there, and your health status in general. So, don't feel guilty for looking at your poo. It's a perfectly natural, healthy thing to do. In somewhat related news, I no longer eat corn since my scat viewing has led me to the conclusion that it is indigestible and will emerge in the same form that it was taken in.

Thanks for sharing!

• From: Uncle Freddie [captcdo@westpa.net]
• Subject: please help me

I've known this girl for 6 years. Weve been freinds but now we are both single and I need to find out how to get in her pants without it weirding her out.

ROOFIES. She won't remember a thing, AND you'll be able to do anal! Isn't science wonderful?

• From: i'm a maggot [sicsicsicmaggot@hotmail.com]
• Subject: piss in a bottle

i did some funny shit yesterday. first of all i live in a dorm with community bathrooms. sometimes you can find full bottles of shampoo in there (so you dont have to buy your own). anyway, i was taking a shower at like 4 in the morning for fear of getting ass-raped and i emptied my shampoo bottle and pissed in it. i set the bottle on the soap rack and left. this morning i went to take a shit and heard someone go into the shower and say "sweet". then the poor bastard actually put the shit on his head. from there was a string of " shit goddamn motherfucking blah blah blah....." anyway i thought you might get a kick from that.

Next time try using hair removal cream. And yes, you are a maggot.

• From: Scott Hertzberg [shertzbe@stmarys-ca.edu]
• Subject: Projectile Vomiting - 101

Hey Stile, I have been a loyal fan of your site for years. What I am about to tell you is one of the funniest, grossest and most expensive things I have ever seen in my existence.

As I am at a private, catholic college (Saint Mary's College, if anyone's interested), I've noticed that the people here drink, fuck, smoke, drop, snort, shoot up, etc. way more than they do at other schools (probably due to religious repression). In any event, just about every Friday and Saturday night there are these gigantic parties, usually held by the Rugby or Lacrosse teams. These parties are huge, usually about 50 people (we only have about 4,000 on campus, so 50 is huge to us!). Well, I live in a suite with 5 other guys, and we were hosting the party this weekend. I was, of course, on my computer watching vids and stuff that I've downloaded from your site, just like I always do. Now, what happens next is the really interesting part.

Seeing as how we've got a ton of people in here all drinking, smoking, etc., I thought it would be kinda funny to put on my newest collection of videos, the "Most Fucked Up Video" set that I recently downloaded off your site. I put them in order of "fucked-uppedness", going from Japscat, Rock&Roll Abortion, Russian Throat Slit, Snuff Films, R. Bud Dwyer and, last but not least, Kitty Stir Fry.

And there it was, I just let it sit and play. One by one, people started coming over and looking at what was playing. Now, being the techno geek that I am, I rigged up the DJ's a/v to my computer, meaning that the vids were being broadcast on a 12' diagonal screen (works well for pornos) and the audio was in Dolby 5.1. People were groaning a little through the Japscat, the girls were shuddering at the Rock and roll abortion, but when they got to the R. Bud Dwyer, everything slowed down. It was just a nice politician talking to everyone. Then BLAM! He shoots himself and everyone starts freaking out, blood gushing appropriately (when the vid zooms, his head is about 8 feet tall). And then . . . the finale. The kitty cat stir fry caused some one to throw up. Then another, then another. Within a minute or so, 50 people were violently ill with the projectile vomit of a nights worth of drinking, and it was spraying everywhere. I, of course, was just laughing to myself, trying to dodge the spray. Then I noticed, my computer!

One, or a dozen, of the bastards had managed to entirely coat my computer with their alcoholic spew! The keyboard was fried, monitor permanently altered in color, and the tower will forever reek.

The best part of it was . . . we were all kicked out of our dorms for a week, so that they could "detox" the floor. I guess people down the hall were throwing up from the smell.

Anyway, just wanted to pass on the story. I hope it helps you sleep at night, knowing that another 50 people will eternally cringe at the mention of stir-fry.