Even though doing the last list made me legitimately vomit from utter disgust in the fact that I am making an attempt to pretend that I actually think these dirty little rich sluts have some quality to them... here I sit again, writing my final list of the top ten who I'm trying to find some legitimacy in by seeking some sort of admirable qualities in the way they have slept themselves into a successful life. Sex life. Okay, not just that. They are fucking famous and everywhere you go you see these faces because somewhere out there there are people who actually respect these hoes (ie: 14 year olds and 40 year olds) and even when they die you'll still keep hearing about them and their legacy will live on and on and on and fucking on.

It shouldn't even being called sleeping your way to the top anymore, because they're not spending most of their time on the top -- it's either on their knees or all fours. It's fucking their way to financial freedom or to eternal fame. As much as I don't want to write this and you're really sick of hearing about them, here are the final ten. I want this to be over as much as you do, believe me. I'm considering just replacing this article with my ten favorite pictures of baby penguins or something you don't see everyday, like Lindsay Lohan's cunt. I just gave some of it away, I'm sorry. I'm really sure you're all in suspense about this list since my opinion holds as much posterity as people who actually jerk off to videos of Greenteagirlie on Youtube.

#10: Sienna Miller

Okay, I know she's totally on her way to Tara Reid-dom but I think she deserves a place on the list for two reasons. One, being that she actually fucked that Hayden fag who played Bob Dylan during the sex scene in Factory Girl, which wouldn't be that big of a deal if this movie wasn't made for fourteen year old girls, who after seeing the movie will probably become meth addicts thinking that becoming a junkie will up their chances on being America's Next Top Model.

The second being that she admitted in a Rolling Stone interview that she doesn't "believe in monogamy," both of these figures add up to her saying that it's really okay to fuck anyone you want whenever you want as long as there's some sort of motive behind it.

Like getting revenge on Jude Law for fucking their nanny. Which is fucking amazing. There's nothing worse than being cheated on with some slutty immigrant.

#9: Rose McGowan

She deserves a place on the list because I'd totally get whatever Marilyn Manson picked up from gothic groupie's for some of this:

#8: Paris Hilton

This bitch needs absolutely no explanation for being on the list. I don't even think it's even necessary to post any nudes of her because everyone's seen this flat chested bitch a million times already and is she really even that fucking hot? She looks like the cheerleader everyone had in their high school that got her tongue pierced first, which she brushed off as being rebellious, when everyone knew this really meant their chances of getting a blow job from her just went up by 90%. I'd rather watch the video of her crying instead, who's with me?

#7: Britney Spears

Uhhh.... hahahhahaahahhhahahaasdfsdf

Does anyone else really fucking hate the fact that Schizophritney's publicist decided to come back from whatever vacation she was on and miss the the days when Britney was going batshit insane and writing 666 on her forehead, trying to hang herself in rehab screaming "I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST!!" I feel betrayed. It's like the time I bought tickets for the Cirque De Soleil last year expecting see endangered animals getting the shit beat out of them and then ended up seeing a bunch of French Canadians play on adult sized playground equipment instead.

Instead they're trying to turn her back into the teenage-wonder-slut she'll never be again with shit like this:

Do you see how unnatural this looks? LET THE GIRL MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS. LET HER BE THE GOD DAMN ANTICHRIST FOR FUCKS SAKE.

#6: Winona Ryder

Okay, I'm serious about this one. Winona is sort of my dream girl and it's not because of the fact that when I was a kid watching Beetlejuice, I still believed that movies were real and thought that if that scumbag almost got in her pants I surely would have a chance.

Even thought she cuts her hair like a twelve year old boy trying to imitate a Backstreet Boy in 1996, I still think her whole persona is pretty appealing.

First, she totally fucked Tim Burton. Second, she pulled an ODB and got caught shoplifting even though she's filthy rich, and third, she's just really fucking hot. Yes, she carries the diseases of the entire music industry, and I'm pretty sure there's a stipulation on a few label's record contracts that one member of the band has to date Winona Ryder for a few months to boost album sales... but if I had to get Hollywood-AIDS (which is this non-deadly kind of AIDS I've heard, that just gets you unlimited prescriptions for Vicodin and Xanax) from someone I'd pick her.

This probably means I am really into twelve year old boys and I'm using her as an acceptable alternative. I'm scared to talk to my therapist about it because I think I signed some contract at the beginning of our sessions saying that if I mentioned anything illegal he'd have to turn me in. Seriously. Did anyone else have to do that?

#5: Lindsay Lohan

This attention-whore needs no explanation. I'm just going to set myself on a timer and see how many pictures I can find of her falling out of her clothes in 5 minutes. Ready... GO!

Sorry, I didn't get the infamous wrinkly shaved what-was-supposed-to-be-a-firecrotch in time. Not like you guys haven't already seen it a million fucking times. If you're disappointed about this I'll make it up to you. Seriously, I'm sorry. Here...

#4: Kate Moss

click here for the vid!

EVERYONE'S FAVORITE COKEWHORE! Look at how cute she is after all these years, falling all over and into the wall and shit. Really though, Kate Moss is really dedicated to her cracked out lifestyle. She's getting married to a guy who feels totally comfortable shooting up anything he can find in front of random girls at a hostel. That's not fake glamorized drug use, she found herself a real, live junkie. So sweet.

Sometimes I like to daydream that not all girls care about superficial things like money, hygiene, or having a "real job" and would be totally cool dating a regular person who isn't "perfect" and isn't expected to "shower regularly" and appreciates the little things, like paying for her bus fare and letting her kill my cigarette. This is the type of person I believe that Scarlett really is. I can't even find any decent pictures of her nipples falling out because I think she might be that perfect virgin angel that one day I will sodomize in the most beautiful of ways.

True love, forever <333333

#2: Courtney Love

I know this is really fucking ridiculous but the last 2 on the list are on here because they've done some serious shit when it comes to fucking their way to the top. THIS bitch somehow convinced Kurt Cobain to impregnate her and then she fucking KILLED him. She is getting away with OJ Simpson shit and I know there's all sorts of speculation on whether or not it was actually her but whether or not she pulled the trigger really doesn't matter. Either way, falling in love with this psychopath would make anyone kill themselves.

#1: Madonna

I certainly don't want to touch her but I'm giving her the number one spot for pretty much paving the way for everyone that I just listed. Also, she gets 1000000 points for publishing nude photos of herself getting fucked by Vanilla Ice.

I realized I've left out a lot of people you actually want to see naked so I'd like to finish the list off with a few extra surprises:

Yes I know it's a fake.

Jessica Alba!!! And a happy ending, an offering of peace, courtesy of Hugh Grant: